This morning I walked my dog along the sandy banks of the Saco River and sipped a cup of tea before heading to the office.
Sometime in the early afternoon I will leave the office for an hour or two to complete today’s portion of my twelve-week triathlon-training program. When I return to the office I may bring my laptop to the table on the porch and throw the ball for the beloved Boston Terrier as I work on logistics for an upcoming event I am coordinating.
I work for myself and regularly forget the decadence of a morning like the one I described. The details of that day get lost in the less appealing aspects of self-employment.
On the days when the balance is shifted in the other direction, I may drive 300 + miles, clock 14 hour day, sleep in bed that isn’t my own and answer emails from the front seat of my car. My head will fill with worries about getting it all done, paying my health insurance, growing the business too fast or not growing at all.
On those days the cry of a consistent paycheck, a benefits package and the hum of a typical schedule is deafening. Those are the days that have reduced me to a puddle of tears more then once.
I don’t think this struggle goes away when you work for yourself. There are always going to be well paying jobs with a benefits package and a regular schedule to raise the question of whether the good days are valuable enough to persist when the hours are long, the future is uncertain and you feel like you are working alone.
Recently I was riding my bike with friend and mentor**. As we made our way up a steep climb the voice in my head escaped for a moment, “Urgh, this hurts!”
He calmly looked at me and asked, “Uncomfortable or unbearable?”
I thought for a moment. “Uncomfortable.” I answered
“Good,” he replied firmly “keep peddling.”
**Thanks to PD who is 20 years my senior, has the cadence of a hummingbird, the legs to out-sprint me and wisdom that extends beyond the bicycle.
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